Blogging Commitment Part Three

Christmas blog
 Christmas blog
  The terrible Christmas blog
 Oh what crap
  It is I write
    Every single year


Sam D Grover  

(To the tune of Jingle Bells)

Jebus

There is a religion whose very existence risks the well-being of many people on this planet. This religion holds sway over many of the most wealthy and powerful individuals in the world, and drives many of their most impacting decisions. This religion is racist, prejudiced, and brazenly hypocritical. This religion removes the worth of the individual, replacing it with guilt and dogma.
This religion is what I like to call "Jebusism" (/ˈdʒi:bəs.ɪz.əm/).
This religion, like many faiths, was named by an outsider: "Christians" were named thus by the Roman citizens of Antioch; Muslims were known for centuries by Europeans as "Mohammedans." Jeebusism was named by Homer Simpson, inadvertently. Jebusism bares many similarities to Christianity, though with most of Jesus' teachings ignored.
Rather unusually for a religion, it shares its holy text with another faith - this is unlike Christianity and Judaism, in that while Christians see the Jewish writ as sacred, Jews see the Christian "New Testament" as the writings of a few 1st Century heretics. With Christianity and Jebusism, however, the two share the same holy book in its entirety - Jebusism, however, mostly employs an archaic version of this book, one crudely translated into 17th Century English. Jebusismists refer to this version (which, to be fair, is a fine piece of poetic literature) as the true accurate version, with some even claiming that the highly popular (among Christians) New International Version (or "New Inaccurate Version" as some Jebusismists call it) is an evil book, or perhaps a test sent by their deity, Jebus.
Ah, Jebus. A dark God like the world has never seen. According to the priests of Jebusism, Jebus hates gays, believing that they should all be killed. Jebus hates foreigners, especially Arabs, but also looks unfavorably on Blacks, Mexicans, and Koreans. Jebus loathes Communists, particularly because of their desire to elevate the poor (whom Jebus also hates). Jebus almost certainly hates you. Jebus will one day take up all his loyal followers into the sky, and burn the hippies, public homosexuals, Catholics, and those who only went to church one week out of every four in an eternal lake of fire. He will enjoy doing this.
Jebusism started in Europe, with its first great manifestation being the Crusades. Later, the Spanish Inquisition can be seen as the point at which Jebusismists turned against Christianity. "Bloody" Mary I of England was almost certainly a Jebusismist. True modern Jebusism, however, can be found centered in the southern United States, specifically in the region known as the "Bible Belt" (see below).

The "Bible Belt", the main catchment area for Jebusism






Sam D Grover